More birthday wisdom from readers...

I started publishing a list of advice on my birthday. I did it when I turned ​43​, ​44​, and last week when I turned ​45​. The post last week went wildly viral with over 400,000 people reading it. And now, most excitingly, I'm seeing so many others writing and sharing their own lists back.

"I'm a Mum of 3 awesome kids and call Sydney, Australia home," Ness Quayle wrote to me last week. "When I was 9, I tragically lost my father. He was 42 years young. A few days ago, I turned 42 and my daughter, Ella, is 9. The significance of these ages has stirred a number of emotions in me for a number of months. What if I were to pass away? What would my kids remember of their Mother or me as a woman?"

I relate to this feeling. Not fear exactly but—the human desire to etch ourselves into the stone a little bit? To feel like carving coherence in the blur of inchoate motion. Ness continues: "Writing this list was cathartic, as I desire to share with my kids my ideas, thoughts, and values. To preserve my voice in some small way, just in case, so they can refer to it at any time throughout their life. I highly recommend everyone giving this a red hot go!"

So do I! And now, without further ado, here are wonderful lists of birthday advice from Ness, Meredith, Christine, Michelle, and Sera.

Neil

P.S. Do you have a list of advice inside you? Please reply and share it with me or, as Ness says, give it a red hot go!


42 Things I've (Almost) Learned As I Turn 42

Written by Ness Quayle

1. You’re never fully dressed without a smile or eyeliner.

2. Don’t water a garden you don’t want to grow.

3. Marmalade and vegemite on toast. It’s salty, sweet deliciousness.

4. Pay attention to what you pay attention to.

5. “Talk less, smile more” (Hamilton) when dealing with narcissists.

6. Ask for help from your mates and spiritual guides, they’ll always step up.

7. Call over text. It means a lot.

8. Keep going.

9. Prioritising my nervous system response has changed my dating life.

10. Sleepovers with besties are magic.

11. Farting in front of my kids is hilarious.

2. Build muscle. It won’t make you bulky.

13. Laughter, sunlight, and 2 minute dance breaks are medicine for the soul.

14. Take photos and then put away the phone.

15. Always bring food to school pickups.

16. Slowing down each inhale and exhale immediately changes your state.

17. Start with the end in mind but don’t be too attached to the outcome. (It’s who you become on the journey that matters.)

18. Talk to strangers; they’re genuinely very receptive and kind.

19. Inner child work is essential work.

20. Experiences over things. Actions over words.

21. Never leave home without a water bottle.

22. There’s no such thing as one-way liberation.

23. Friends can help heal a heart they didn’t break.

24. Per aspera ad astra…Through adversity to the stars ✨

25. Always commit to a Fancy Dress party. The joy of dressing up is contagious.

26. Record your kids voices, laughter, and opinions. It’s glorious looking back.

27. Afternoon naps and spicy margaritas are heaven-sent.

28. Slowing down gets you there faster, and in better shape.

29. Genuine curiosity is so damn attractive.

30. Cut multiple keys to your front door and remember where you’ve hidden them.

31. Use the line “by the end of this chat, I hope there’s greater understanding between us” before starting a difficult conversation.

32. I firmly identify as Ness. Not Vanessa.

33. Attend live events. A collective, shared human experience is so powerful.

34. Playing handball regularly with my kids has been game-changing for our relationship.

35. Travel solo.

36. If you can’t find time to meditate for 5 minutes, you need 10.

37. Demonstrate to your kids what relaxation and a wholehearted apology looks like.

38. One day, this will all make sense.

39. Watching ​Graham Norton on YouTube​ always improves my mood. 40. You are not your thoughts. You are the observer of your thoughts. 41. Sunrise is the best part of the day.

42. “Keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.” (Max Ehrmann)


3o Things I’ve (Almost) Learned As I Turn 30

Written by Sera Ertan

1. Dream bigger than what you think is possible.

2. Have that slice of cake and glass of wine.

3. Always find a reason to celebrate life.

4. If you think you can pull it off, wear it.

5. Explore dating outside of your type.

6. To stretch time and add years to your life, go somewhere you have never been.

7. Let strangers become friends and genuinely listen to their stories, you will be surprised by how much anyone can teach you.

8. Sun and sea might be enough to cure your depression.

9. If you are unhappy, move, you are not a tree.

10. Everything has a solution when you allow yourself to think outside the box.

11. Express your emotions, life is too short not to tell people to fuck off.

12. Stop caring about what others will think about you, nobody is thinking about you.

13. Let your intuition guide you, or you will resent the life you live.

14. Do not overcomplicate life.

15. There is always more to learn, be open to new knowledge and accept the fact that you know very little.

16. Experiment and choose the diet that works best for your body, don’t let vegans (or anyone extreme for that matter), convince you otherwise.

17. Weight all opinions, but make your own decision.

18. Take the risk, and watch life support you.

19. Do more of what brings you peace.

20. Create your own workout regimen and stick to it.

21. Don’t get bogged down by the past and the future, stay in touch with the present moment.

22. Focus only on your very next step.

23. Learn a new skill every year.

24. Remember that you are free to recreate yourself and become a completely new person any moment you want.

25.Be fully yourself around people and let whoever wants to leave leave.

26. Call your mom and dad more often.

27. Where you are is where you are meant to be.

28.You set your own limits.

29. Stay curious and embrace change.

30. Enjoy the ride.


60 Life Lessons Learned In 60 Years

Written by Michelle Oram

1. Don’t put a wool sweater in the washing machine if you ever want to wear it again.

2. You can take a 2-week trip with just a carry-on.

3. Drying laundry outdoors saves money, makes your clothes last longer—and they will smell oh so good!

4. Homemade soup is the best comfort food.

5. Don’t postpone happiness. Enjoy today because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.

6. Avoid depending on other people to make you happy. True happiness comes from within.

7. Find things to love about yourself. If you’re not happy with yourself, you’re not ready for a relationship.

8. Being a mom is hard sometimes, but it’s so worth it.

9. When your kids grow up and leave home, you’ve done your job of raising them to be independent adults.

10. Our family stories matter so we need to share them.

11. True friendships stand the test of time and distance.

12. If there’s something you want to do, just do it. That way you’ll never have to ask, “What if?”

13. The real learning starts after you leave school.

14. There’s always something new to learn, and you’re never too old to learn it.

15. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do anything. Tune out the naysayers.

16. Do your homework and form your own opinions.

17. Be satisfied with progress instead of seeking perfection.

18. Choose your own success criteria rather than measuring your success by the standards or actions of others.

19. Don’t buy more house than you need. In fact, don’t buy more of anything than you need.

20. Always set some money aside for emergenceis because rainy days will come.

21. Get into the habit of saving early in life and save as much as you can.

22. Pay off debt as quickly as possible.

23. Health will always be more important than money.

24. Trust your instincts when if comes to your health. If something doesn’t feel right, look into it.

25. How you feel matters more than how you look.

26. You don’t need to be an athlete, or even have athletic ability, to live an active lifestyle. There’s a lesson I wish I’d learned before high school gym class.

27. Exercise gives you energy.

28. Getting outdoors every day boosts your mood and increases creativity. And it makes winter bearable.

29. Material possessions aren’t the key to happiness. You can be happy with very little.

30. Quality over quantity in all things.

31. Take time to appreciate the simple, everyday pleasures.

32. Appreciate what you already own rather than yearning for the next thing.

33. Don’t get sucked into FOMO. There will always be someone with bigger, better, or more things than you have.

34. A handwritten note will make your day…or someone else’s.

35. You don’t really need the latest and greatest of anything.

36. Schedule downtime in your calendar.

37. Your age doesn’t define you.

41. Be grateful for the privilege of growing older.

42. Choosing to age gracefully is liberating.

43. Laughter really is the best medicine.

44. It doesn’t matter what other people think of you.

45. Don’t get sucked into negativity.

46. Kindness costs nothing.

47. Be authentic.

48. Music makes everything better.

49. Strong faith makes life’s troubles easier.

50. You can count on your faith community in difficult times.

51. Volunteer. You’ll get back more than you give.

52. Giving to others feels good.

53. The people you work with and the relationships you form matter as much as the work you do.

54. It’s okay to change direction and choose a different career path.

55. Your career is just one aspect of your life. Keep it in perspective.

56. Fully disconnect during your vacation time. No matter your role, work will survive without you.

57. Retirement is a beginning, not an end.

58. Make time to do things that make you happy.

59. If something matters enough to you, you’ll find time for it.

60. Finally, the years will fly by. I don’t quite believe I’m turning 60 and often wonder where the years have gone. In my head I’m still 18. That’s why it’s important to enjoy every day and not take life for granted.


46 Things I’ve (Almost) Learned As I Turn 46

Written by Christine Da Silva

1. My happiness is my responsibility.

2. Take care of your health before it becomes your mental illness.

3. No response is a powerful response.

4. Sometimes things don’t get easier, you just get stronger.

5. Always listen to your intuition, even if it scares you.

6. Teachers don’t know everything. Mine told me spelling was important and that I’d never carry a calculator in my pocket.

7. Expect nothing and you will never be disappointed.

8. Being a mom is only a small part of who I am.

9. Actions need to match effort.

10. Some people come into your life when you need them, they don’t always need to stay.

11. I am, always have been and always will be enough.

12. My deepest wounds did not come from my enemies.

13. You are never too old.

14. It is never too late.

15. Peanut butter cups taste way better frozen.

16. Real queens fix each others’ crowns.

17. When you see something, you like in someone tell them.

18. I don’t have time is a bullshit excuse.

19. A Stop Doing list is just as important as a To Do list.

20. Music is so much better at full blast with the windows down.

21. My alone time is for your safety.

22. I survived all the days I thought I wouldn’t.

23. Pictures will become more important, get in them.

24. Some people don’t deserve an explanation.

25. No one is making it out of here alive.

26. I would rather have your time then your money.

27. “No” is a complete sentence.

28. Just one more page/chapter is the biggest lie I tell myself most often.

29. Your opinion of me is none of my business.

30. The glass isn’t half full or half empty, its refillable.

31. If they want to they will.

32. Always choose happiness over history.

33. I am not my thoughts; I am the watcher of them.

34. Lessons repeat themselves until you learn them.

35. There is always light after darkness.

36. My children have taught me more than anyone else.

37. The universe will whisper to you until she needs to scream to get your attention.

38. The secret to happiness is to always have a vacation booked.

39. My boundaries only bother those who don’t respect me.

40. Theres always 3 sides to every story, your side, their side, and the truth…or the screenshots.

41. Somethings are not worth the jail time.

42. Getting older is better than the alternative.

43. What you allow will continue.

44. I am forever learning.

45. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

46. Eat the damn cake!


48 Things I Learned As I Turned 48

Written by Meredith Foxx

1. You’re never fully dressed without lipstick (or for that matter blush).

2. Sleep is underrated.

3. It’s okay to say NO.

4. Teach yourself to stop ruminating.

5. The “wait 24 hours before sending an email” works.

6. No need to photograph everything.

7. You can break a bad habit (i.e. diet coke)

8. Better to be overdressed than underdressed.

9. Know your city officials.

10. Know your neighbors.

11. Don’t be afraid to ask people questions about themselves.

12. Listen to songs that remind you of your past & good times you have had. (Neil Diamond-

High School).

13. It’s okay to be a tourist in a new city- explore.

14. Accept compliments & criticism.

15. Have a actual key to your house.

16. Learn Brevity.

17. Get up and move/walk during a workday (preferably outside).

18. Stop overbuying groceries- wasteful.

19. Try clothes on before you buy them.

20. All couples should have to put a piece of furniture together- you learn a lot.

21. Reading is true joy.

22. Recognizing others for their accomplishments is underrated.

23. Stop using the word “just”.

24. If you don’t like the book- stop reading it.

25. Handwritten thank you notes & sympathy cards are meaningful- take the time.

26. Stop wishing time away.

27. If you don’t want to go- don’t go.

28. If you don’t like the product, throw it out (skin, hair, makeup). It’s a sunk cost.

29. Priorities change-that is okay.

30. Not all stress is bad.

31. Have a will.

32. Just like sending an email-wait 24 hours before purchasing everything in your “online”

cart.

33. Throw away clothes that are worn.

34. Hungry and being temperature hot is a bad combination.

35. Petting your dogs (or pets) always will make you happy.

36. Don’t be afraid of preventative health screenings-get them done.

37. Rewatch your favorite movies as a kid (For me: Sound of Music & The Wizard of Oz)

38. Don’t wait to use stuff- use it.

39. You don’t have to clean your plate.

40. Always pack a toothbrush, toothpaste, tissues, spare undergarments and socks in your

carry on.

41. Keep traditions and make new ones.

42. Learn when to be quiet.

43. Don’t let your low fuel light come on in the car.

44. Get a car wash.

45. Be humble.

46. Be kind.

47. Be patient.

48. Be forgiving

And for 45-48- of others and yourself.


Read more of my birthday advice...

​45 Things I've (Almost) Learned As I Turn 45​

​44 Things I've (Almost) Learned As I Turn 44​

​43 Things I've (Almost) Learned As I Turn 43​

...And then write your own and share with me!

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