Love for OUR BOOK OF AWESOME

Our Book of Awesome launched on December 6, 2022 and I feel like the personal beneficiary of more love from the awesome 🌊🌊🌊 around the world than I had ever expected. Most of it is in person, in bookstores, on my newsletters, and on my podcast, but I also wanted to throw a post up to gather it all in one place.

TV

Breakfast Television - Rogers (Dina Pugliese, Sid Seixeiro)

CityLine - Rogers (Tracy Moore)

The Morning Show - Global (Carolyn MacKenzie, Sangita Patel)

The Social - CTV (Jess Allen, Melissa Grelo, Traci Melchor)

Your Morning - CTV (Jess Smith)

Radio

Here and Now - NPR (Jane Clayson)

The Current - CBC (Matt Galloway)

Podcasts

Chase Jarvis Live x2 x3

Don’t Keep Your Day Job (Cathy Heller)

Good Life Project (Jonathan Fields)  x2 x3

Moms Don’t Have Time To Read Books (Zibby Owens) x2 x3

Sickboy (Jeremie Saunders, Brian Stever, Taylor MacGillivary) x2 x3

The Holderness Family Podcast (Kim and Penn Holderness) x2

The Joyous Health Podcast (Joy McCarthy)

The Knowledge Project (Shane Parrish) x2

The Light Watkins Show x2 x3

The Miracle Morning (Hal Elrod) x2

The One You Feed (Eric Zimmer)

The Psychology Podcast (Dr. Scott Barry Kauffman) x2 x3

The Warblers (Birds Canada) x2

Interviews

Heroic Luminary Coaching Session (Brian Johnson)

IG Live (Alie Ward)

IG Live (Evan Carmichael) x2

Interview (Brendan Carr)

Blogs / Newsletters / Articles

“3 Lessons on creativity by a bestselling author” - Fast Company (Herbert Liu)

5 Things Making me Happy Newsletter (Gretchen Rubin)

BookTrib Newsletter

Dr. Greg Wells Newsletter

Herbert Liu Best of Books Newsletter

“I’m grateful that I’ve never had to do a gratitude journal” - The Bloggess (Jenny Lawson)

Kindred Newsletter Q&A (Susan Cain)

Laura Vanderkam Newsletter

Marc and Angel Newsletter (Marc and Angel Chernoff)

Print Mag Q&A (Debbie Millman)

Simon & Schuster Newsletter

Simon & Schuster Global Newsletter

The Sunday Paper (Maria Shriver) x2

BookTok / Bookstagram

Alex and Books (Alex Wieckowski)

Becky Overbeck

Blurb Your Enthusiasm (Mary Webber OMalley)

Book Sparkled (Shivi Verna)

Brindle Book Lover

Catherine Price

Divyanshu Reads (Divyanshu Oberoi)

Humble the Poet

Indigo x2

Jay Yang Inspires

Jordan Tarver

Joy McCarthy

Lisa Ray

Matt Karamazov

Mindset Reading (Ravi Sarj)

Mindset Search (Mo Hasnai)

Nina Purewall

Productive Reading

Reader Mentality (Kamalpreet Singh)

Sarah Reads Fiction (Sarah Reid)

Simon & Schuster

The Bloggess (Jenny Lawson)

The Bo.ok Nerd (Laasya Mukkamalla)

The Happiness Library (Marianne Peter Nicoly)

The Maritime Reader (Heather Hines)

Two Percent Better (Cameron Boakye)

Vanessa Van Edwards

Werklife (Abha Chiyedan) x2

Well By Shania (Shania Bhopa)

 

Twitter Love

Alex and Books (Alex Wieckowski)

Ben O’Hara-Byrne

Beth Fish Reads (Dr. Beth Fish)

Elan Mastai

Hector Garcia

Jeremie Saunders

Jonathan Haidt

Lisa Ray

Loan Stars

Maria Shriver

Meesh Beer (Michele-Marie Beer)

Oliver Burkeman

PR by the Book (Kim Weiss)

Post Secret (Frank Warren) x2

Rich Aucoin

Rich Roll

Shawn Achor

Tal Bakker

Vanessa Van Edwards

 

 Bestseller Lists

Globe International Non-Fiction

Globe Canadian Non-Fiction

Vancouver Sun Indie Bookstores

Retail Council Indie Bookstore

Globe International Self Improvement

Porchlight

Do not ask your children to strive by William Martin

 

This little bit of poetry flitted past me recently and I knew I wanted to share it. Why? It somehow struck a nerve of deep contentment and little ping-pong pangs of guilt at the same time. The poem does paint a north star for me. Yes, despite writing a whole bookshelf all about awe. I guess I can be a bit, what's the word? Ambitious? Maybe? Just a tad? That's probably why this poem -- which is actually pulled from a wonderful book called The Parent’s Tao Te Ching by William Martin -- felt like cream on a rash.

I hope it strikes a chord with some of you, too.

 

Poem:

Do not ask your children
to strive for extraordinary lives.
Such striving may seem admirable,
but it is the way of foolishness.
Help them instead to find the wonder
and the marvel of an ordinary life.
Show them the joy of tasting
tomatoes, apples and pears.
Show them how to cry
when pets and people die.
Show them the infinite pleasure
in the touch of a hand.
And make the ordinary come alive for them.
The extraordinary will take care of itself.

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Mother to Son by Langston Hughes

Written by Langston Hughes | Full poem here

 

I stumbled across this poem the other day and it struck me so I thought I’d share it.

 

Poem:

Well, son, I’ll tell you:

Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.

It’s had tacks in it,

And splinters,

And boards torn up,

And places with no carpet on the floor—

Bare.

But all the time

I’se been a-climbin’ on,

And reachin’ landin’s,

And turnin’ corners,

And sometimes goin’ in the dark

Where there ain’t been no light.

So boy, don’t you turn back.

Don’t you set down on the steps

’Cause you finds it’s kinder hard.

Don’t you fall now—

For I’se still goin’, honey,

I’se still climbin’,

And life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.

of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.

Sign Up for a Dose of Inspiration:

Every other week, I send an email out with one of my favorite speeches, essays or poems. No ads, no sponsors, no spam, and nothing for sale. Just a dose of inspiration or beauty!

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The Very Best Books I Read in 2022

That time of the year again!

Here are The Very Best Books I Read In 2022!

Interested in more of my reviews? Click here to join the Book Club email list.

20. Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention – and How To Think Deeply Again by Johann Hari. (L/I/A) Like most of us, Johann (“Yo-han”) Hari noticed his attention fracturing but, unlike most of us, he decided to jettison to Provincetown, Massachusetts without his phone for six weeks to explore the issue. What emerges is a feast of a tale about many things happening at once: rises in speed and switching, increased algorithm manipulation, crippling flow states, and the death of free-range childhoods. The book offers optimism and specific practices we can do to win the vital battle for our attention.  

Perfect for: that person who keeps saying they need to get off social media, cultural or political theory majors, anxious Tik-Tok addled teens…

19. Lot by Bryan Washington. (L/I/A) A debut collection of short stories all tangentially telling tales of down-and-out Houston through (mostly) the lens of a half-latino-half-black teen working at his family restaurant and navigating distant siblings and a disappearing dad all while coming to grips with being gay. Crackling prose with accessibility and zing that makes this a great book to study the art of writing. Came out in 2019 and won a slate of fancy awards plus made Barack Obama’s favorite books of the year. 

Perfect for: aspiring writers, people who want to read more queer writing, fans of Junot Diaz books like A Brief Wondrous Life Of Oscar Wao

18. Otto: A Palindrama by Jon Agee. (L/I/A) An Alice-on-an-acid-trip style story of a boy named Otto hypnotically falling into his soup. The book is told entirely in palindromes – I repeat: entirely in palindromes! -- and opens with Otto sitting in his room reading his comic book LOL beside a bookshelf of toys including Mr. Alarm. His mom and dad are downstairs tasting the soup they’re making (“Mmm”) and then start calling him. He starts down but begins playing catch with his dog Pip before his dad yells “Not now Otto – wonton!” Dad looks up from his bowl of soup to encourage Otto to “Nosh, son!” A beautiful example of what books can do.  

Perfect for: precocious children, crossword puzzle fans, anyone who loved Raj Halder's masterpiece P is for Pterodactyl… 

17. How To Get Filthy Rich In Rising Asia by Mohsin Hamid. (L/I/A) Quick Mohsin bio: Born in Pakistan, emigrated to California at 3 so dad could do PhD at Stanford, back to Pakistan at 9 with a severing of all American friendships, then whips back to US at 18 to attend Princeton (where he takes a writing class with Toni Morrison!), and then graduates into a 20-year business trajectory which he does while writing three award-winning novels on the side: Moth Smoke (2000), The Reluctant Fundamentalist (2007), and How To Get Filthy Rich Is Rising Asia (2013). That doesn't include Exit West (2017) which is perhaps his most popular. Or The Last White Man which came out this year. Back to this book: It's written in second person and tells a gripping tale of you – a poor boy from a poor family in a poor unnamed country – on your rise to riches. This is in my top ten novels of all time. Here’s Page 1. See if it hooks you like it did me: “Look, unless you’re writing one, a self-help book is an oxymoron. You read a self-help book so someone who isn’t yourself can help you, that someone being the author. This is true of the whole self-help genre. It’s true of how-to books, for example. And it’s true of personal improvement books, too. Some might even say it’s true of religion books. But some others might say that those who say that should be pinned to the ground and bled dry with the slow slice of a blade across their throats. So it’s wisest simply to note a divergence of views on that subcategory and move swiftly on. / None of the foregoing means self-help books are useless. On the contrary, they can be useful indeed. But it does mean that the idea of self in the land of self-help is a slippery one. And slippery can be good. Slippery can be pleasurable. Slippery can provide access to what would chafe if entered dry. / This book is a self-help book. Its objective, as it says on the cover, is to show you how to get filthy rich in rising Asia. And to do that it has to find you, huddled, shivering, on the packed earth under your mother’s cot one cold, dewy morning…” Annnnnd… that's just the first page. Continues powerfully from there.

Perfect for: anyone looking for a thinnish page-turner, grown-up fans of the second-person Choose Your Own Adventures, “business types” who want to read more fiction…

16. Carrying The Fire: An Astronaut’s Journey by Michael Collins. (L/I/A) Let’s say you were one of three people chosen to blast off on Apollo 11, the first ever mission to land on the moon, but just before you go they bring the three of you into a cramped kitchen at NASA and sit you down on a card table. “Neil, Buzz, you two will go down to the moon, walk around, plant a flag, give a speech to the world, talk to the President, and, uh, Michael? Yeahhhhhh. Well, we need someone to stay up on the ship. Sorry.” Michael takes the bummer in stride and seemingly absorbs every aspect of the experience and channels it into this poetic first-person account of the space program. Part of the beauty is that fifty years ago astronauts weren’t hyper-focused specialists. Michael Collins is a wide-ranging thinker who writes in a wise, literary style. The book came out in 1974 and is still in print today. Part of what's magical here are the seemingly endless forwards and prefaces. Get this: Charles Lindbergh, who flew the first ever solo transatlantic flight in 1927 (a harrowing 33-hour hour trip from New York to Paris!) writes a completely breathtaking introduction that captures the human spirit towards flight. Lindbergh died the year this book came out so the foreword feels like a baton from our attempted voyages into the air in the 1800s to the billionaire space flights today (which are discussed in the latest foreword.)

Perfect for: memoir fans, sciencey people, and anybody fascinated by space flight or the space program…

15. No One Belongs Here More Than You by Miranda July. (L/I/A) Sixteen short stories in 200 pages mean these tales come in digestible Alice-Munro-sized nuggets. But while Alice Munro’s stories sail down twisting rivers these blast into different dimensions. Paragraphs leap between times and views, a sudden sexual turn surprises, and (if you’re like me) you’ll find yourself flipping back a lot to re-place yourself inside the story. Deep under each one are rich veins of nearly inarticulable emotions underneath. A unique stirring happens when you read about (for example) Deb’s sudden relationship with the child of old-college-friend parents (both openly cheating on each other) and how it then morphs into that of a three-parent family and then a three-parent-family-going-to-therapy. Does it end there? Not even close. I won’t ruin the surprises left including the shocking finish. And this all happens in a dozen pages! Surprises behind every corner! And sentences always fascinating! The opening line of the book is “It still counts, even though it happened when he was unconscious.” There is nothing “hard” about the writing – no big words, I mean -- but the emotional cliffs are jagged and steep. 

Perfect for: people who enjoy George Saunders, twisted family dramas, or Everything, Everywhere All At Once

14. Beyond the Gender Binary by Alok Vaid-Menon. (L/I/A) Alok ("A-loke") Vaid-Menon was born in College Station, Texas in 1991 to parents from India and Malaysia. When they were young they’d dress up in their mom and sister’s clothes and dance around the living room to Bollywood hits for all their extended family but when they performed a similar routine onstage at the school talent show at age six ... they got laughed at by the entire school. Thus began a shame-filled odyssey of pretending to live as a boy -- or, at least, male-presenting -- for many years. And it also began a deep conversation about gender which they're helping lead globally today. This book firms Alok's place as a dynamic, powerful, clairvoyant voice. I folded the corners of at least 20 of this slim 58-page book and found myself underlining quote after quote. (Here are some popular quotes from the book.) I grew up the son of Indian immigrant parents in Canada with male and female binaries and the accompanying blue and pink clothes in blue and pink nurseries. Gender divides only deepened with age and, looking back, I know they caused me to self-censor sides of myself. Painting toenails to hide them in my socks, buying The Babysitter Club books “for my sister”, and quitting figure skating once I became the only boy at the rink. This book helped me remember, see, and accept a bit more of myself. And: Bit more on Alok? They created the global #DeGenderFashion movement, headlined the 2021 New York Comedy Festival, graduated at the top of their class twice at Stanford, and have lectured and performed in over 40 countries around the world. A complete riptide of an essay.

Perfect for: anyone looking to better “see the water” we’re all swimming in around gender, social, and cultural norms…

13. Chirri & Chirra Under the Sea by Kaya Doi with translation by David Boyd. (L/I/A) Back in 2004 this whimsical picture book came out in Japan featuring a “Night Riders-esque” tale of two young Japanese girls on bicycles ringing their bells (“Dring-dring! Dring-dring!”) and riding through a tunnel before suddenly dropping into a mystical underwater journey where they pedal through coral and discover a secret lounge where they sit on conch couches and seashell sofas before enjoying "sea-spray parfait à la conch" and "marine soda jelly topped with pearl cream." Brought to them by a crimson octopus with long eyelashes, blue eyeshadow, and a hotel maid’s outfit on, of course. Now, almost two decades later, David Boyd, Assistant Professor of Japanese at University of North Carolina, partnered with Brooklyn-based indie children's book publisher Enchanted Lion Books (treasure trove backlist!) for a magical English translation.  

Perfect for: that kid who has everything, fans of beautiful picture books, anyone looking for some imagination seeds…

12. The End of Everything (Astrophysically Speaking) by Katie Mack. (L/I/A) Were you one of those kids who felt just stunned when you first started to comprehend the size and vastness of the universe? I feel like the “Where are we? What are we doing here? What does it all mean?” questions hit a lot of us when we’re eight, nine, ten years old. Everyone responds differently, of course. (The 8-year-old Alvy Singer reaction from Annie Hall jumps out.) Maybe you sort of shove it away. Bury it! Ascribe to a belief system that calms or sets things down in a digestible order. Maybe you turn a bit nihilistic … fatalistic … optimistic? Or … maybe you just point your curiosity at these questions your whole life. Katie Mack did the last one. Growing up in California in the late 80s and early 90s she read A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking and then pursued an undergrad in Physics from CalTech followed by a PhD in astrophysics from Princeton … before starting even more fascinating work doing things like -- no big deal! -- building a dark matter detector. And then, yes, writing a truly mind-bending book about how the universe will eventually … end. Because there is a finish line. I warn you: There is a steep learning curve in this book and, if you’re like me, you’ll need to flip back often to digest it. A lot may fly over your head. Did mine! But Katie goes to great pains to make this accessible and I think she did a better job than Stephen Hawking. Every chapter pushed my mind farther and farther out. Much like ... the universe? The universe is lucky to have an engaging, generous, and funny teacher like Katie Mack. Even taking in a few chapters of this book is well, well worth it. 


Perfect for: science nerds, daydreamers, anyone who wants to zoom out of our planet for a little bit...

11. Dinner At The Homesick Restaurant by Anne Tyler. (L/I/A) I have never read a novel quite like this before. Let’s see: It’s about … nothing. In that Seinfeld sense of endlessly twisting plotlines about the minutiae of four people’s lives nothing. Less jazz riffs, less laugh tracks, more melancholy, more heart-scratching. There is a deep sadness between the covers of this book which tells the story of a single mother in Baltimore 70 years ago who simply never tells her children their father left them. What happens to the family from there? Well, that’s the book. A deeply feeling book with vivid characters and incredible detail offered through a how-does-she-do-it style of almost shockingly accessible prose. The net result is a three-dimensional hologram of a family you feel like you’re living beside.

Perfect for: people who like Alice Munro, book clubs (my mom read this in hers!), and anyone who likes intergenerational family dramas…

10. Sex At Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá. (L/I/A) When film directors Daniels (creators of the masterpiece Everything, Everywhere All At Once which is picking up Oscar steam already) picked this book I hadn’t heard of it despite it being in its fortieth printing with over 30,000 reviews across Amazon and Goodreads. I opened the book and got punched in the nose by the Kahlil Gibran epigraph: “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself.” That line has stayed with me since The Prophet and it sort of did that epigraphy thing of piquing interest in some yet-to-be-determined way. From there the book takes off like a rocket with sharp, whip-smart prose zooming you through an astounding millions-of-years-evolutionary-history of human sexuality. Nothing is off limits! Like Daniels themselves, the book delights in tackling taboos and challenging topics head-on while presumably knowing they’ll make a few mistakes along the way but hey? Is there any other way to really live? You can almost hear the authors gleefully spiking volleyballs into Charles Darwin’s and Jane Goodall’s foreheads while bouncing between topics like the type of porn we watch to our species’ relative penis size and, of course, why those things matter. Sure, some chapters are skippable and sure, a multi-million year evolutionary history of anything is going to have piles of things wrong. But this isn’t the type of book to read with the brakes on. Go all-in, enjoy the ride, and then pause to stew, process, and discuss. Strew, process, and discuss you will. 


Perfect for: fans of Esther Perel (pairs well with Mating in Captivity), fans of Dan Savage (there’s a Q&A with him in the back), or, you know, the person you’re sleeping with… 

9. Scarborough: A Novel by Catherine Hernandez. (L/I/A) Toronto is the fourth largest city in North America after Mexico City, New York, and Los Angeles, and is made up of five boroughs. Scarborough is likely the most diverse of the five -- culturally, ethnically, racially – and this book folds every corner of the sprawling community into a raw and mesmerizing read. When Leslie and I first started dating she was a Kindergarten teacher in a low-income neighborhood in Scarborough and the book feels like it could have been written by a handful of kids from her class. Every chapter alternates viewpoints, Babysitters Club Super Special-style, and the result is a portrait of deep poverty, urban blight, and soaring and (often) sinking hearts in the Kingston-Galloway neighborhood of Scarborough (where 41% of residents live in subsidized housing and 29% live in poverty). The fine point detail in this book is stunning and if you're from Toronto or have visited you'll get a double-whammy. Stories are loosely held together by the narrative of Hina, a young woman who runs the local literary center, as she jousts with decision-makers far from the community she serves. A poetic masterpiece.

Perfect for: people who like braided-plot movies like Traffic or 21 Grams, Torontonians, anyone with a bent towards social work or social justice… 

8. Finite and Infinite Games by James Carse. (L/I/A) 101 very short essays slowly and iteratively building on each other to ultimately pull off a wild thought experiment. What’s the first essay? It’s on the cover! “1. There are at least two kinds of games. One could be called finite; the other infinite. A finite game is played for the purpose of winning, an infinite game for the purpose of continuing the play.” Simple, right? James Carse is just warming you up. Carse, btw, was a NYU history and religion professor who died in 2020 and somehow sprung this 149-page magic trick onto the world way back in 1986. The illumination is that most of what’s worth living for can be called an infinite game. Parenting, learning, loving your close friends well. Pairs well with Clay Christenson’s famous How Will You Measure Your Life (which started as a talk and article) For me, most of the value in this book comes in the early pages and, actually, the metaphor felt dangerously close to collapsing like a wet chocolate cake in the middle. But: the first 50 pages of this book are worth way more than the ticket price. That’s all you need to read!

Perfect for: anyone struggling with overwhelm or what I'll call ‘life prioritization’...

7. Lullabies for Little Criminals by Heather O'Neill. (L/I/A) This is the kind of book where if you’ve read it and you meet someone else whose read it I suspect you both just quietly nod and let out a long, slow deep breath. Immersive, piercing, troubling, shocking, Heather O’Neill says in an interview “I knew I was going to take readers to places they’d never been before.” So what’s it about? Baby was born to parents who were 15. Her mom died a year later and the story begins in a first-person sort-of-journal-entry style when she’s 12 and being raised by her dad Theo in downtown Montreal. Theo is addicted to heroin and she bounces between foster homes and apartments with him while mostly living on the street. Eventually the local pimp Alphonse takes interest in her and, well, it goes from there.


Perfect for: fans of A Million Little Pieces by James Frey, book clubs, fans of 'first person journal' style writing...

6. The Hobbit by J.R.Tolkien. (L/I/A) According to this slightly dubious table on Wikipedia, The Hobbit is one of only six books in the world that have sold over 100 million copies. (That is until Our Book of Awesome comes out in 3 days, am I right? Hello? 100 million people, are you with me?) Anyway, I hadn’t read it till this past summer. My oldest son had taken to flying through a few thin chapter books a night so The Hobbit served as a healthy form of reading quicksand. I read 10 pages to him a night and he sung all the songs in the text -- there are a lot! A wonderfully rollicking quest with a soft glowing magic emanating from deep within the page through the endless voices, wordplay, and twists. 

Perfect for: People who like Harry Potter or The Chronicles of Narnia and anyone looking for a book to read with their kids...

5. How to Develop Self-Confidence and Influence People by Public Speaking by Dale Carnegie. (L/I/A) I’ll come right out and say that if you speak publicly in any way you need this 96-year-old classic. 96 years old! Warren Buffet was in the middle of his Masters at Columbia when he spotted an ad in the paper for the Dale Carnegie Public Speaking course. He paid a hundred bucks and to this day calls it the best investment he’s ever made. Pretty big claim from a guy who owns a $120 billion of Apple, right? It’s easy to see why. Carnegie's thoughts on public speaking are priceless. He wrote his first three books ever on this one topic and delivers timeless messages with folksy charm. On Page 54 Carnegie teaches you how to end with an appeal for action, on Page 76 he teaches you how to write your speech down as a series of pictures to memorize, on Page 90 he explains the importance of writing out a pre-speech ritual, on Page 119 he talks about the benefits of standing versus sitting. I take many elements from this book when I craft a speech and find myself revisiting this classic to see what I can improve. There's always a lot.

Perfect for: teachers, coaches, or anyone looking to improve their communication to teams or audiences...

4. My Side Of The Mountain by Jean Craighead George. (L/I/A) Jean Craighead George grew up in the 1920s and 1930s in a family of naturalists who spent a lot of time in the bush. Her first pet was a turkey vulture! Jean's dad taught her how to make fires and fish hooks and find edible plants and even climb trees to study owlets. Her brothers even ended up becoming two of North America’s first falconers but, thankfully for us here in the next century, Jean carved her own path and become a writer. She wrote over a hundred books! Alie Ward, host of #1 science-pod Ologies, tipped me off to this 1959 classic and I found myself entranced by it. It’s a bit clinical but you really will feel like a 12-year-old boy who has run away from home to live alone in the forest. He climbs a tree to snatch a Peregrine Falcon chick and trains it to hunt. He traps, gets attacked, and then befriends a weasel that he calls The Baron. He makes deerskin clothing and preserves grains and tubers. It goes on and on and on. But it's written for kids! So it's super complicated but... for kids! A great way to learn. I like this New York Times book review from Sunday, September 13, 1959 which calls it “a delightful flight from civilization, written with real feeling for the woods.” If you want a delightful flight from civilization, if you want to slice your carving knife through our sometimes-suffocating techno-wrap, well then I have just the book for you. Run away to the forest with this one.

Perfect for: people weary of living in the 2020s, budding naturalists, kids threatening to run away from home…

3. Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown. (L/I/A) I think this might be Brené Brown’s best book. I don’t say that lightly! It’s somehow rich as dense chocolate cake and light as the whipped cream on top. After a wonderful introduction the book opens up into essentially … a dictionary. Brené and her team catalogue 87 emotions you think you know … but would benefit from a little catchup on. On Anguish: “… powerlessness is what makes anguish traumatic. We are unable to change, reverse, or negotiate what has happened.” On Hope: "... We experience hope when we have the ability to set realistic goals ... we are able to figure out how to achieve those goals ... and we have agency..." Peppered with deep research, powerful quotes (“Boredom is your imagination calling to you.” Sherry Turkle) and Brené’s home-fried Texan wit, this atlas deserves a place on your shelf and in your, oh yes I’m going there, heart. (PS. Leslie and I sat down with Brené last year. Join us on the basement couch!)

Perfect for: teachers, boyfriends and girlfriends looking to color in their communication, anybody who just can’t get enough Brené Brown in their life… 

2. The Collected Essex County by Jeff Lemire. (L/I/A) This is one of the most emotionally rich, textured, and satisfying graphic novels I’ve ever read and I put it up on the high mantle with Maus by Art Spiegelman or Berlin by Jason Lutes. On the surface it’s a simple story of a young boy sent to live with his mom’s brother at his small-town farm after she dies of cancer but it starts with that seedling and goes deeper and deeper and deeper into: the young boy’s relationship with his father, how we handle feelings of regret and loss, the history of generational trauma in a small town, and all kinds of twisting family tales that weave together across generations. A truly masterful storytelling feat. I found myself crying at two in the morning several times while reading it. An underrated epic. 

Perfect for: hockey fans, people who like smalltown vibes, and anybody who enjoys family sagas like East of Eden or Anna Karenina … 

1. Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption by Bryan Stevenson. (L/I/A) Just Mercy tells the incredible life story of Bryan Stevenson, the Harvard law school grad who began the difficult and sometimes dangerous work defending Death Row prisoners in Alabama. Often wrongfully convicted. Often children condemned to die in prison when they were just 13 or 14. The book’s structure is mesmerizing itself: Bryan’s story braided with shorter cases, longer cases, chapters on US racial and mental health history, and even poems from prisoners. It’s gripping, entrancing, hold-your-breath reading. Every chapter swerves a different way. This book will both deeply inform your understanding of US racial, legal, and criminal history while also move you to tears with edge-of-your-seat courtroom drama and a biography of a guy multiple blurbers on the inside cover call "America's Mandela."

Perfect for: fans of true crime podcasts, anyone interested in criminal and racial history and politics, anyone who resonates and believes in the Martin Luther King Jr quote "... the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.”


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Don't Hesitate by Mary Oliver

Written by Mary Oliver | Full poem here

 

Mary Oliver poems fill my heart with little doses of awe and appreciation. This one is no exception.

 

Poem:

If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy,
don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty
of lives and whole towns destroyed
or about to be. We are not wise, and not very often
kind. And much can never be redeemed.
Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this
is its way of fighting back, that sometimes
something happens better than all the riches
or power in the world. It could be anything,
but very likely you notice it in the instant
when love begins. Anyway, that’s often the
case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid
of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.

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43 Things I've (Almost) Learned As I Turn 43

I thought I’d celebrate my 43rd birthday by writing down 43 things I’ve (almost) learned. Lists like these are preachy by nature so, you know, just take what you like and leave the rest.

Here we go:

1. Life is too short for unsalted butter.

2. When arguing: Start sentences with ‘I’ not ‘You’.

3. Text friends, email coworkers.

4. Best gratitude game at dinner: Rose, Rose, Thorn, Bud.

5. Never start a speech by apologizing.

6. Clothing stores offer 2 of 3 of fashion, price, and quality. H&M? Fashion and price. Old Navy? Price and quality. Prada? Fashion and quality. Know what you’re buying, don’t expect what you’re not.

7. Five people who love you are worth a lot more than five million who like you.

8. Nothing is as expensive as a cheap pair of shoes.

9. You do make friends with salad. Master a great one.

10. Low opinion of others, low opinion of self? Cynical. High opinion of others, low opinion of self? Insecure. Low opinion of others, high opinion of self? Arrogant. High opinion of others, high opinion of self? Confidence. Aim for confidence.

11. To a large extent: If you can be happy with simple things it will be simple to be happy.

12. The three best home improvements are fresh paint, fresh flowers, and fresh air.

13. Never retire. Look for the 4 S’s instead: Social (friends), Structure (schedule), Stimulation (learning), and Story (purpose).

14. To be the favored client: Pay the bill as soon as you see it.

15. You’re the best judge of how good it is. You’re the worst judge of how well it will do.

16. Remember the 3 G’s in sex: Good, Giving, and Game.

17. Loosen the pickle jar lid but give it to a kid to pop.

18. To remember 2-digit numbers: Memorize 9 images and combine them. I use candle for 1, bicycle for 2, tripod for 3, table for 4, home plate for 5, soccer ball for 6, swan for 7, stop sign for 8, cat for 9, donut for 0. Friend’s birthday is 27th? Picture a swan on a bicycle. Movie comes out on the 16th? Picture a candle on soccer ball.

19. The best way to avoid a fight is to have a snack.

20. Before work trips: Hide a note under everyone’s pillow.

21. You always regret not doing more than you regret doing. Lean in.

22. Schedule one Untouchable Day each week.

23. The 7 for 7 Rule: 7 minutes of stretching for 7 hours better sleep.

24. If you have signed a contract with your work you need a signed contract with your family, too.

25. For perspective: Leave ten stones on your dresser, one for each decade of your life. Move one forward every ten years. Daily problems feel smaller with a zoom out.

26. It is easier to act yourself into a new way of thinking than to think yourself into a new way of acting. If in doubt? Start.

27. People remember who stayed till the end of the wedding. Stay till the end of the wedding.

28. Always cut grilled cheese into triangles.

29. For better skin: Bathe less.

30. Keep a lacrosse ball in your suitcase. Nothing improves a bad hotel room like a wall massage before bed.

31. You are not allowed to leave a bookstore without buying a book.

32. Practice 2 minute mornings: Before starting your day write and fill out: “I will let go of…”, “I am grateful for…”, “I will focus on…”

33. For better focus, attention, and privacy: Don’t take your phone.

34. 10 second mood lift: Hold the sides of your ribs and take a slow deep breath to inflate them outwards without raising your shoulders.

35. Put a gift note to yourself in the online order.

36. Woo the subconscious: Keep blank cue cards and a pen on your bedside table.

37. 3 best words for friends in tough times: “Tell me more…”

38. The only two ways to reply to any invite: No or Hell Yeah.

39. Swear words are the sharp knives in word kitchen. Teach kids how to use safely – not avoid.

40. Easiest way to love a park: Pick up one piece of trash every visit.

41. Leave the backup toilet paper where your guests can find it.

42. For assorted poisons you enjoy: Make it a treat.

43. Remember: If you have what you need it doesn’t matter what anyone else has.

 

I’m pretty sure I stole all of these but a few specific credits: Ryan Holiday (3), Mario Pilozzi (6), Kevin Kelly (7), Dan Savage (16), Derek Sivers (38), Sarah Silverman (42), and my dad (43).

 

Read more of my birthday advice:

45 Things I’ve (Almost) Learned As I Turn 45

44 Things I’ve (Almost) Learned As I Turn 44

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Dust If You Must by Rose Milligan

Hey everyone,

My kids finish school for the holidays in two days and everything's feeling busy. I stumbled across this old poem from Rose Milligan to help remind me what's important. Take a moment to let something fall off your holiday list today and instead just enjoy a moment of connection or love.

Neil

PS. If you insist on loading up for the holidays I recommend checking out my (pandemic written) ​Holiday Gift Guide​. And, you know, nothing wrong with pulling off the spectacular ​Super Present Power Shop​, either.


Dust If You Must by Rose Milligan

Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better
To paint a picture, or write a letter,
Bake a cake, or plant a seed;
Ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there's not much time,
With rivers to swim, and mountains to climb;
Music to hear, and books to read;
Friends to cherish, and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world's out there
With the sun in your eyes, and the wind in your hair;
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain,
This day will not come around again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
Old age will come and it's not kind.
And when you go (and go you must)
You, yourself, will make more dust.


Another way I keep focused on what matters is the Okinawan concept of ​ikigai​.

Not sure how to get everything done so you can spend time with your family this holiday season? ​Check out my tips​ on how to cut meeting time (and any other to-do!) in half.

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The Sun by Mary Oliver

Written by Mary Oliver | Full poem here

 

Mary Oliver poems fill my heart with little doses of awe and appreciation. This one is no exception.

 

Poem:

Have you ever seen
anything
in your life
more wonderful

than the way the sun,
every evening,
relaxed and easy,
floats toward the horizon

and into the clouds or the hills,
or the rumpled sea,
and is gone–
and how it slides again

out of the blackness,
every morning,
on the other side of the world,
like a red flower

streaming upward on its heavenly oils,
say, on a morning in early summer,
at its perfect imperial distance–
and have you ever felt for anything
such wild love–
do you think there is anywhere, in any language,
a word billowing enough
for the pleasure

that fills you,
as the sun
reaches out,
as it warms you

as you stand there,
empty-handed–
or have you too
turned from this world–

or have you too
gone crazy
for power,
for things?

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What You Missed That Day You Were Absent From Fourth Grade by Brad Modlin

Written by Brad Modlin | Full poem here

 

Thank you to reader Christine O’Leary who pointed me to this little poem by Brad Modlin, Chair of Creative Writing at the University of Nebraska and author of the poetry collection Everyone At This Party Has Two Names. This is one of those “read it again right after you read it” poems for me. I found it helped zoom out and above a lot of the “have tos” and “should dos” in life and focus a little more on what really matters.

 

Poem:

Mrs. Nelson explained how to stand still and listen
to the wind, how to find meaning in pumping gas,

how peeling potatoes can be a form of prayer. She took
questions on how not to feel lost in the dark

After lunch she distributed worksheets
that covered ways to remember your grandfather’s

voice. Then the class discussed falling asleep
without feeling you had forgotten to do something else—

something important—and how to believe
the house you wake in is your home. This prompted

Mrs. Nelson to draw a chalkboard diagram detailing
how to chant the Psalms during cigarette breaks,

and how not to squirm for sound when your own thoughts
are all you hear; also, that you have enough.

The English lesson was that I am
is a complete sentence.

And just before the afternoon bell, she made the math equation
look easy. The one that proves that hundreds of questions,

and feeling cold, and all those nights spent looking
for whatever it was you lost, and one person

add up to something.

From Everyone at This Party Has Two Names - Southeast Missouri State University Press, 2016.

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Dreamland by Mark Twain

Written by Mark Twain

 

Context:

Do you dream much? Not at all? My wife Leslie routinely wakes up vividly recounting her dreams. They're always intense and dramatic. Mine are more routine -- like I'm living another day at night sometimes. Since I was a kid I've been wondering what dreams are. About fifteen years ago I read a book on lucid dreaming and started up a Dream Diary to see if I could more frequently 'direct' my dreams from the inside. It worked a bit too well when I started mixing up daytime and nighttime realities, which felt dizzying, and so I stopped and the skill gradually fell away.

Most of us have some deep-seeded wonder or curiosity or beliefs about dreams. Maybe we use them to explore or investigate parts of ourselves, as conversations with other sides of our consciousness, as a memory-sorting device, or as a form of pleasure or escape. Mark Twain was no exception. A full 110 years ago he wrote this magical little essay in Harper's. I hope you like it as much as I did.

 

Article:

I once awoke from a dream while crossing Bond Street in New York with a friend, and it was snowing hard. We had been talking, and there had been no observable gaps in the conversation. I doubt if I had made any more than two steps while I was asleep. But I am satisfied that even the most elaborate and incident-crowded dream is seldom more than a few seconds in length. It is swifter than waking thought; for thought is not thought at all, but only a vague and formless fog until it is articulated into words.

The habit of writing down my dreams while they are fresh in my mind, and then studying them and rehearsing them and trying to find out what the source of dreams is, and which of the two or three separate persons inhabiting us is their architect, has given me a good dream-memory—a thing which is not usual, for few drill the dream-memory, and no memory can be kept strong without that.

In my waking hours, I cannot draw even the simplest picture with a pencil, nor do anything with a brush and colors; I cannot bring before my mind’s eye the detailed image of any building known to me except my own house; of St. Paul’s, St. Peter’s, the Eiffel Tower, the Taj, the Capitol at Washington, I can reproduce only portions, partial glimpses; the same with Niagara Falls, the Matterhorn, and other familiar things in nature. I cannot bring before my mind’s eye the face or figure of any human being known to me. I have seen my family at breakfast within the past two hours; I cannot bring their images before me, I do not know how they look.

Before me, as I write, I see a little grove of trees in the garden; high above them projects the slender lance of a young pine, beyond it is a glimpse of the upper half of a dull-white chimney covered by a little roof, and half a mile away is a hilltop densely wooded, and then a curved, wide vacancy, which is smooth and grass-clad. But I cannot shut my eyes and reproduce that picture at all, nor any single detail of it except the grassy curve, and that but vaguely and fleetingly.

My dream-artist can draw anything, and do it perfectly; he can paint with all the colors and all the shades, and do it with delicacy and truth. He can place before me vivid images of palaces, cities, hamlets, hovels, mountains, valleys, lakes, skies, glowing in sunlight or moonlight, or veiled in driving gusts of snow or rain, and he can set before me people who are intensely alive, and who feel, and express their feelings in their faces, and who also talk and laugh, sing and swear. And when I wake I can shut my eyes and bring back those people, and the scenery and the buildings; and not only in general view, but often in detail.

Everything in a dream is more deep and strong and sharp and real than is ever its pale imitation in the unreal life which is ours when we go about awake and clothed with our artificial selves in this vague and dull-tinted artificial world. When we die we shall slough off this cheap intellect, perhaps, and go abroad to Dreamland clothed in our real selves, and aggrandized and enriched by the command over the mysterious mental magician who is here only our guest.

In our dreams—I know it!—we do make the journeys we seem to make; we do see the things we seem to see; the people, the horses, the cats, the dogs, the birds, the whales, are real, not chimeras; they are living spirits, not shadows; and they are immortal and indestructible. They go whither they will; they visit all resorts, all points of interest, even the twinkling suns that wander in the wastes of space. That is where those strange mountains are which slide from under our feet while we walk, and where those vast caverns are whose bewildering avenues close behind us and in front when we are lost, and shut us in. We know this because there are no such things here, and they must be there, because there is no other place. 

Originally appeared in the December 1912 issue of Harper’s Magazine.

 

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Two powerful songs about fatherhood by Harry Chapin and John Lennon

Cat’s Cradle by Sandy Chapin & Harry Chapin | Source here

Watching the Wheels by John Lennon | Source here

 

Context:

I wanted to share two songs -- two poems -- about fatherhood.

After I wrote this journal entry last week I couldn't get the lyrics to “Cat's Cradle” by Harry Chapin out of my head. I realized I probably had the lyrics in my head since 1992 when Ugly Kid Joe covered the famous 1964 Harry Chapin single and introduced it to a new generation. For a suburban Toronto kid in the early 90s if a song was on the Top 6 at 6 with Tarzan Dan ... everybody knew it. A gripping poem peeling open father-son relationship tensions written, evidently, by Chapin's wife Sandy.

Years later I had kids and began listening to "Watching The Wheels" by John Lennon. It was the final single from John's 1980 "Double Fantasy" album and released a few months after his assassination. It's sort of a "mirror song" to Cat's Cradle because this poem talks about the cultural hits a man takes from others -- "People say I'm crazy ..." -- when he chooses to pause his career to take care of his children. At the time John living in New York with Yoko raising their son Sean and the video opens with John carrying Sean in a carrier through Central Park ... just steps from where he was shot.

I feel like these two songs -- two poems -- twist into something demonstrating the power of communicating such vast and complex emotions in such few words. And, as a father, I feel I always take something away from them both.

 

Song Lyrics:

CATS CRADLE

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you, dad"
"You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when"
"But we'll get together then"
"You know we'll have a good time then"

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play"
"Can you teach me to throw?", I said-a, "Not today"
"I got a lot to do" He said, "That's okay dad"
And he, he walked away, but his smile never dimmed
It said, I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when"
"But we'll get together then"
"You know we'll have a good time then"

Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head, and then he said with a smile
"What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
"But we'll get together then, dad"
"You know we'll have a good time then"

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, dad, if I can find the time
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
"But we'll get together then, dad"
"You know we'll have a good time then"

(Written by: Harry F. Chapin / Sandy Chapin, © Warner Chappell Music, Inc)

WATCHING THE WHEELS

People say I'm crazy
Doing what I'm doing
Well they give me all kinds of warnings
To save me from ruin
When I say that I'm okay, well they look at me kinda strange
"Surely you're not happy now, you no longer play the game"

People say I'm lazy
Dreaming my life away
Well they give me all kinds of advice
Designed to enlighten me
When I tell that I'm doing fine watching shadows on the wall
"Don't you miss the big time, boy, you're no longer on the ball?"

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go

Ah, people asking questions
Lost in confusion
Well, I tell them there's no problem
Only solutions
Well, they shake their heads and they look at me, as if I've lost my mind
I tell them there's no hurry, I'm just sitting here doing time

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go
I just had to let it go
I just had to let it go

(Written by: John Lennon, © Downtown Music Publishing)

 

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Quotes On Reading by Marcel Proust

Written by Marcel Proust

 

Context:

Proust’s quotes on reading feel like poetry to me. If you’d like to hear me talk about Proust with Edward Packard, creator of Choose Your Own Adventure, just click here. (PS. If you’re looking for an accessible way into Proust I highly recommend Alain de Botton’s How Proust Can Change Your Life which wonderfully distills and sorts so much of his endless wisdom).

 

Quotes:

"Reading is that fruitful miracle of a communication in the midst of solitude."

"Reading is at the threshold of spiritual life; it can introduce us to it; it does not constitute it. There are, however, certain cases, certain pathological cases, so to speak, of spiritual depression in which reading can become a sort of curative discipline and assume the task, through repeated stimulation, of continuously reintroducing a lazy mind into the life of the spirit."

"There are perhaps no days of our childhood that we lived so fully as those we spent with a favourite book."

"That abominable and sensual act called reading the newspaper, thanks to which all the misfortunes and cataclysms in the universe over the last twenty-four hours, the battles which cost the lives of fifty-thousand men, the murders, the strikes, the bankruptcies, the fires, the poisonings, the suicides, the divorces, the cruel emotions of statesmen and actors, are transformed for us, who don't even care, into a morning treat, blending in wonderfully, in a particularly exciting and tonic way, with the recommended ingestion of a few sips of cafe au lait."

"In reality, every reader is, while reading, the reader of his own self."

"Theoretically, we know that the world turns, but in fact we do not notice it, the earth on which we walk does not seem to move and we live on in peace. This is how it is concerning Time in our lives. And to render its passing perceptible, novelists must... have their readers cross ten, twenty, thirty years in two minutes."

"A man of letters, merely by reading a phrase, can estimate exactly the literary merit of its author."

"The heart changes...but we learn of it only from reading or by imagination; for in reality its alteration, like that of certain natural phenomena, is so gradual that, even if we are able to distinguish, successively, each of its different states, we are still spared the actual sensation of change."

"After a certain age our memories are so intertwined with one another that what we are thinking of, the book we are reading, scarcely matters any more. We have put something of ourselves everywhere, everything is fertile, everything is dangerous, and we can make discoveries no less precious than in Pascal's Pensées in an advertisement for soap."

"In the sort of screen dappled with different states of mind which my consciousness would simultaneously unfold while I read, and which ranged from the aspirations hidden deepest within me to the completely exterior vision of the horizon which I had, at the bottom of the garden, before my eyes, what was first in me, innermost, the constantly moving handle that controlled the rest, was my belief in the philosophical richness and beauty of the book I was reading, and my desire to appropriate them for myself, whatever that book might be."

"Every reader finds himself. The writer's work is merely a kind of optical instrument that makes it possible for the reader to discern what, without this book, he would perhaps never have seen in himself."

 

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"Be Drunk" by Charles Baudelaire

Written by Charles Baudelaire (link to original poem here)

 

Context:

James Frey, author of A Million Little Pieces, introduced me to this poem when he had me read the Charles Baudelaire poetry collection Paris Spleen before our chat on 3 Books. It stuck with me as a way to twist expectations -- maybe clickbait before clickbait -- and demonstrates so much power in such few words.

 

Poem:

You have to be always drunk. That's all there is to it—it's the only way. So as not to feel the horrible burden of time that breaks your back and bends you to the earth, you have to be continually drunk.

But on what? Wine, poetry or virtue, as you wish. But be drunk.

And if sometimes, on the steps of a palace or the green grass of a ditch, in the mournful solitude of your room, you wake again, drunkenness already diminishing or gone, ask the wind, the wave, the star, the bird, the clock, everything that is flying, everything that is groaning, everything that is rolling, everything that is singing, everything that is speaking. . .ask what time it is and wind, wave, star, bird, clock will answer you: "It is time to be drunk! So as not to be the martyred slaves of time, be drunk, be continually drunk! On wine, on poetry or on virtue as you wish."

 

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By the Well of Living and Seeing, Part II, Section 28: “During the Second World War” by Charles Reznikoff

Written by Charles Reznikoff (link to original poem here)

 

Context:

I am in love when simplicity packs a punch. I find some speakers like Brené Brown pull this off in short personal stories. This poem struck me the same way. Thank you to George Saunders and Poetry Foundation.

 

Poem:

During the Second World War, I was going home one night
along a street I seldom used. All the stores were closed
except one—a small fruit store.
An old Italian was inside to wait on customers.
As I was paying him I saw that he was sad.
“You are sad,” I said. “What is troubling you?”
“Yes,” he said, “I am sad.” Then he added
in the same monotone, not looking at me:
“My son left for the front today and I’ll never see him again.”
“Don’t say that!” I said. “Of course, you will!”
“No,” he answered. “I’ll never see him again.”

Afterwards, when the war was over,
I found myself once more in that street
and again it was late at night, dark and lonely;
and again I saw the old man alone in the store.
I bought some apples and looked closely at him:
his thin wrinkled face was grim
but not particularly sad. “How about your son?” I said.
“Did he come back from the war?” “Yes,” he answered.
“He was not wounded?” “No. He is all right.”
“That’s fine,” I said. “Fine!”
He took the bag of apples from my hands and groping inside
took out one that had begun to rot
and put in a good one instead.
“He came back at Christmas,” he added.
“How wonderful! That was wonderful!”
“Yes,” he said gently, “it was wonderful.”
He took the bag of apples from my hands again
and took out one of the smaller apples and put in a large one.

 

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'Maximus, to himself' by Charles Olson

Written by Charles Olson (link to original poem here)

 

Context:

I discovered this poem while preparing for my interview with the incredible Debbie Millman, the visionary artist and thinker who hosts Design Matters. It was hugely formative for her - in fact she chose a poetry anthology by Hayden Carrut in which it is published as one of her most formative books for 3 Books for that very reason - and does a beautiful reading of it for us during our conversation. I found this poem incredibly rich, layered, and deep. I'm sure I don't understand half of it but the bits I did manage to catch really lingered.

This poem was published as part of The Maximus Poems collection, written by Charles Olson in 1983 and published by the University of California Press.

 

Poem:

I have had to learn the simplest things

last. Which made for difficulties.

Even at sea I was slow, to get the hand out, or to cross   

a wet deck.

The sea was not, finally, my trade.

But even my trade, at it, I stood estranged

from that which was most familiar. Was delayed,

and not content with the man’s argument

that such postponement   

is now the nature of

obedience,

               that we are all late

               in a slow time,

               that we grow up many

               And the single   

               is not easily

               known

It could be, though the sharpness (the achiote)   

I note in others,

makes more sense

than my own distances. The agilities

  they show daily

               who do the world’s   

               businesses

               And who do nature’s   

               as I have no sense   

               I have done either

I have made dialogues,

have discussed ancient texts,

have thrown what light I could, offered   

what pleasures

doceat allows

But the known?

This, I have had to be given,

a life, love, and from one man   

the world.

Tokens.

               But sitting here

               I look out as a wind   

               and water man, testing   

               And missing

               some proof

I know the quarters

of the weather, where it comes from,   

where it goes. But the stem of me,   

this I took from their welcome,

or their rejection, of me

And my arrogance

               was neither diminished   

               nor increased,

               by the communication

2

It is undone business

I speak of, this morning,   

with the sea

stretching out

from my feet

 

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'You Learn' by Jorge Luis Borges

Written by Anonymous (link to original poem here)

 

Context:

The poem "Apriendendo" is believed to have been written in the 1940s in Spanish and later translated into English in the late 1960s. There is some controversy surrounding authorship. It has been most widely attributed to Jorge Luis Borges, but in the 1970s, others stepped up to claim it as theirs: Yamira Hernandez, Veronica Shoffstall and Judith Evans. It is also known with different titles: "Come the Dawn" and "After a While". Whoever the author is, the sentiments conveyed are beautiful and it is a potent reminder to make sure we continue to make time for what truly matters.

 

Poem:

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning.

And company doesn’t mean security…

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong, and you really do have worth, and you learn and learn…with every good-bye you learn.

 

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'Blessing for the New Year' by Kayleen Asbo

Written by Kayleen Asbo (link to poem here)

 

Context:

My wife Leslie forwarded this poem to me after she received it from Dr. Laura Markham. If you don't know Laura, her book Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids is one of our bibles. I also went down to Brooklyn to interview her on 3 Books. She's a treasure trove of wisdom! And this poem by Kayleen Asbo below is one perfect example.

 

Poem:

As the hours of darkness begin to slowly wane from the winter sky,
So too may the fearful places of your heart unclench their grasp on your life
As the presence of light begins to grow with greater sureness with each passing day
May your own courage blossom to open more brightly to truth and love.

Let this be the year that you turn off the television and silence the talk radio chatter
in order to pick up the writing pen, the paintbrush,
and watch the candle slowly burn.

May this be the year that you delight
in seeing how much joy you can extravagantly spread.
May you discover just how much beauty you can recklessly shower
upon this thirsty world.

May this be the year that you tune both the dusty piano in the corner
and the inner listening of your care-worn heart
So that both can play in harmony with the chorus of creation.

May you break the invisible yardstick of impossible expectations
and learn that just as you are,
you are enough.
May this be the year that you cease trying to march to an imagined ideal
and instead, wrap your arms around the messy wonder your life really is,
hold it close
and do the tango.

Let this be the year you befriend your soul in its radical particularity,
not forsaking it yet again for the bland demands and cravings of the masses.
Instead, may you elope with the wildness of your own true calling,
marry your soul to its deepest longings and invite the hungry world to the
wedding feast.

 

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'To Laugh Much and Often' by Bessie Anderson Stanley

Written by Bessie Anderson Stanley (link to poem here)

 

Context:

A lovely little snippet of poetry from Bessie Anderson Stanley, often incorrectly attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson. Thank you to my reader Laura Berenstain for sending it to me.

 

Poem:

To laugh often and much;

to win the respect of the intelligent people

and the affection of children;

to earn the appreciation of honest critics

and endure the betrayal of false friends;

to appreciate beauty;

to find the best in others;

to leave the world a bit better

whether by a healthy child, a garden patch,

or a redeemed social condition;

to know that one life has breathed easier

because you lived here.

This is to have succeeded.

 

Sign Up for a Dose of Inspiration:

Every other week, I send an email out with one of my favorite speeches, essays or poems. No ads, no sponsors, no spam, and nothing for sale. Just a dose of inspiration or beauty!

Click here to sign up.