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Hey everyone,
Hope you and your family are safe and well and I hope reading may be offering you comfort and connection these days.
I will say my reading has become more jumpy. I was critical of myself when I first started noticing it – I'm addicted to social media! I have officially fractured my attention! – but also maybe ... it's just how I prefer to read. I think many of us are the same and yet we feel guilty saying it. Some books below I started years back and didn't like -- but then picked up years later. Others, especially non-fiction, I read maybe half the chapters and then pop in and out of others to see if I want to spend time inside.
THERE ARE NO RULES TO READING.
That's what I'm saying. Reading offers massive payoffs but also requires a massive time investment. Since reading a big book takes so long it can start feeling like a chore or something you "should" do more. (Hence a title like this goes crazy viral). So let's take a little pause to say: Read whatever makes you love reading and keep reading. Let's remove yet another layer of book shame and book guilt -- "I must read this entire book in order or I am a bad reader" -- and make room to just read what fills us up.
To the pages!
Neil
1. Atlas of the Heartby Brené Brown. (L/I/A) I think this might be Brené Brown’s best book. I don’t say that lightly! It is somehow rich as a dense chocolate cake and light as the whipped cream on top. After a wonderful introduction the book opens up into essentially … a dictionary. Brené and her research team catalogue 87 emotions that you think you know … but would probably benefit from a little private catchup with Brené. Sadness, for example. You know sadness, right? Who doesn't! But Brené colors it in when she says “Sadness and depression are not the same thing” and “Sadness and grief are not the same thing” and then explaining the research shows we enjoy sad movies because “We like to be moved. We like to feel connected to what it means to be human, to be reminded of our inextricable connection to one another. Sadness moves the individual ‘us’ toward the collective ‘us.’" Red underlined 100 emoji, right? Maybe three of them? Brené pulls off this magic trick on much trickier and nuanced emotions, too. On Anguish: “… powerlessness is what makes anguish traumatic. We are unable to change, reverse, or negotiate what has happened.” On Hope: "... We experience hope when we have the ability to set realistic goals ... we are able to figure out how to achieve those goals ... and we have agency..." Peppered with deep research, powerful quotes (“Boredom is your imagination calling to you.” Sherry Turkle) and Brené’s home-cooked Texan wit, this atlas deserves a place on your shelf and, yes, in your hernia -- heart! Heart, I meant heart. You know what I meant. (PS. Leslie and I sat down with Brené last year. Join us on the basement couch.)
2. Beautiful Oopsby Barney Saltzberg. (L/I/A) Leslie or I try to read three books to our kids every night before bed. I pick one, they pick one, everyone's happy. Over time standards for those books have gotten higher. Must be short! No time for Beatrix Potter here, sorry. But must also be good. Kids lose interest, that's trouble. Must be ‘cozy’ enough that they can sleep with it. (For some reason my kids love sleeping with books after we read to them. Sorry, big sharp Winnie-The-Pooh Treasury.) And, yes, in a totally perfect but rarely achieved world, the book might drop a little value-discovering or -reinforcing of some kind. Like I said: tall bar. But even with that tall bar a book that makes it in at least once a week is Beautiful Oops. Leslie used this in her classrooms before we had kids so it’s been “in the rotation” for over ten years. The thick, plastic-coated pages have real-looking rips and stains that are revealed to be the basis of yet another creative idea. “Every spill,” a page begins, before you flip up the spilled paint from the can – “has lots” -- flip up – “and lots” -- flip up -- “of possibilities” – with each flip revealing doodles that continue to render the oops beautiful. Welcome balm for perfectionistic high-achieving tendencies in this increasingly anxious world. Magical and highly recommended. (PS. Has anyone ever seen a Jamie Lee Curtis blurb on a book before?? This book has just one blurb and it's from her: "Beautiful OOPS is funny and fun and is the best gift to give anyone, any-age, anywhere, anytime...") (PS to the PS. Did you see Jamie Lee Curtis is one of the stars of the upcoming Everyone, Everywhere, All At Once. I can't wait for this movie and am excited to share that genius directors Daniels will be on 3 Booksthis spring.)
3. Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. (L/I/A) The Road came out in 2006 and is Cormac McCarthy’s most popular book. It was the only one of his I’d read coming into this. (I put it on my 25 books to read during the pandemic ten years ago in March, 2020). That book was like nothing I’d ever read with extreme sparse language (no commas!) and rope-tight poise and control. His second most popular book is No Country For Old Men which came out in 2005. But this book? He wrote it well before those two blockbusters. 1985. Much slower pace, at times a wider plot, but same ridiculously impressive act of mind-boggling economy. Here are the first few sentences for a taste: “See the child. He is pale and thin, he wears a thin and ragged linen shirt. He stokes the scullery fire. Outside lie dark turned fields with rags of snow and darker woods beyond that harbor yet a few last wolves. His folk are known for hewers of wood and drawers of water but in truth his father has been a schoolmaster. His lies in drink, he quotes from poets whose names are now lost. The boy crouches by the fire and watches him.” Me again. You can maybe tell the difference? Reading this book is like watching a master become a master. There isn’t a single misplaced word in the book. Deep, deep penetrating meditation on the role of violence in the history and (maybe) future of our species. Takes place in the very wild western USA and Mexico two hundred years ago and doubles as a writing masterclass. Warning: Extreme, extreme graphic violence throughout.
4. Factfulness: Ten Reasons We’re Wrong About the World – And Why Things Are Better Than You Thinkby Hans Rosling. (L/I/A)I had this book recommended to me for years and finally picked it up when Chris Hadfield picked it. It’s essentially a long slideshow featuring a lot of “a ha” and “gotcha” type statistics proving why human quality of life is dramatically better now than it has ever been despite our neverending feeling that the world is about to end. I agree with a lot of the arguments but three things: 1) the tone is delivered with a bit of a “sipping martinis at the Davos afterparty” tone, 2) I thought Enlightenment Now by Steven Pinker was a better book on the same topic. (I put it on my Best Books of 2018), and 3) I feel like the sheen on some of these books is starting to wear off with “Black Swan” sort of counter-arguments like this one.
5. Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communicationby Vanessa Van Edwards.(L/I/A)Vanessa calls herself a “recovering awkward person” and has a popular YouTube community with advice like “use more hand gestures” and “never pick up the phone in a bad mood.” Bit obvious? Easy to dismiss? I know it’s easy to be cynical. I was cynical, too. But as my old professor Gunnar Trumbull (best name ever) used to say, “It’s much harder to agree with something than disagree.” This book is really a stunning masterclass on body language. Vanessa does “detail by detail workshops” of fascinating moments like the famous first televised presidential debate in 1960 (where people who listened on the radio thought Nixon won and people who watched on TV thought Kennedy won … you’ll read why) and even famous flubs on Shark Tank by incredible entrepreneurs who years later built unicorns. Will most of us know most of what Vanessa discusses? Yes. But will everyone who reads this book will pick up at least a few gold nuggets / satoshis of bitcoin? I do. Highly recommended.
6. I’m Up!by Antoinette Portis. (L/I/A) An absolutely joyous board book to give to new parents or tired parents. “The sun is up, so I am up. / The tree is up. / The bird is up. / And I am up! / So where is everybody? / Mama, wake up! / Daddy, wake up! / See! The sun is up. The park is up. The birds are up and up and up … /” The book manages to empathize with the pure torture of interrupted sleep while also simultaneously celebrating the sheer awe of infant wonder and the love between parents and children. I personally liked it better than Go The F**k to Sleep. Highly recommended. (PS. Check out Antoinette's other great books here.)
7. The Maid by Nita Prose. (L/I/A) A really strange and wonderful thing just happened in the publishing world. One of the industry’s most successful editors, Nita Pronovost, who has edited books like Milk & Honey, Girl On A Train, and yes, You Are Awesome, just put out her debut novel under the name Nita Prose. (What's it called when it's not a pseudonym but not a stage name either? Like the Gary Vaynerchuck to Gary Vee thing is called... someone help me out.) I pre-ordered a handful of copies to support Nita and passed them around when the book pubbed last month. Did my copies help? No! Not at all. The Maid has become an instant #1New York Times bestseller after Good Morning America made it their Book Club pick. It already has 11,339 reviews on Amazon. IN LESS THAN TWO MONTHS. I'm on Page 50 myself and enjoying a Rosie-Project-ish vibe. And I just got this email from my mom who finished it: "Dear Neil : Thank you for your Gift of the Maid. I found myself quite immersed with the naive lead character in the Book. It was a very relaxing book, just what I needed during these tense times. An easy, fast, comfortable, read which I will certainly share with my Book Club. I was quite amused at the references to the Olive Garden being her favorite restaurant. It brought back some memories of my own. Thank You for your gift." Thank you Nita for your gift. And massive congratulations. Well deserved. (Maybe one day Nita will give me permission to share the first 'feedback letter' she gave on an early draft of You Are Awesome ... which I read in the car off my phone while Leslie drove and we had to pull over because it was making us cry.)
8. The Couple’s Comfort Book: A Creative Guide for Renewing Passion, Pleasure, & Commitmentby Jennifer Louden. (L/I/A) Speaking of Leslie, she is not currently crying nor driving. She's right here! Time for this month’s Leslie’s Pick: “John Gottman says that for a relationship to thrive it requires five positive interactions for every one negative. Between parenting our four children, busy work schedules, overflowing garbage bins, and our one-year-old up in the night and then ready for the day at 4am, it’s easy for most of Neil's and my interactions to be logistical, quick, and tactical: “Can you set the table?”, “He needs to poo!”, “Who’s going to get gas?” We’re lucky and grateful they’re not overly negative but by the time the kids are asleep we’re exhausted and there’s little time for those five positive interactions we want and need. The Couple’s Comfort Book by Jennifer Louden is full of ideas on how to nourish a relationship. A whole section called “But There’s Nothing To Do!” with lighthearted ideas like “Play hide and seek around your neighbourhood”, deeply emotional suggestions for “Nurturing during Crisis and Loss” and suggestions on “Releasing Resentment” and “How to Have a Nurturing Fight”. Such a delight to read with an endearingly quirky sense of humor, accessible to pick up and tuck away a tidbit, and a book I know I will come back to again and again.” (PS. Me again. Cormac McCarthy. Leslie will be joining me for some back-to-the-basement reflection and visioning in Chapter 100 of 3 Books. Do you have a question or something you'd like us to discuss? Post it here. Chapter 99 will be a bookstore hang. Chapter 98 will be with IN-Q. Come hang out.)
9. Why Design Matters: Conversations with the World's Most Creative Peopleby Debbie Millman. (L/I/A) What was the first podcast you listened to … ever? I think mine may have been Design Matters with Debbie Millmanwhich has been running for eighteen (!) years. Debbie is truly peerless. She is a former senior branding executive (designing campaigns for Burger King, Haagen-Dazs, and Star Wars), cofounder of the world's first graduate program in branding, author of seven books, and, here's the best part, just found true love and got married during the pandemic. This book is a wonderful transcript of her best interviews over the years including Chris Ware, Allison Bechdel, Ira Glass, and Brené Brown. Features lovely cameos (Forewords, Afterwords, Intros, oh my) from Tim Ferriss, Roxane Gay, and Maria Popova. A very dense cinder block of wisdom I will treasure. Highly recommended. (PS. Hang out with me and Debbie here.)
